i've been missing china. we visited tourist attractions almost every day. and while they were certainly magnificent and jaw droppingly gorgeous, the moments about china i find myself missing are just the little everyday things.

damn, come to think of it. do you know what i miss the most about china? the tinkling sound beijing's underground subway makes as it pulls into a station.

so I'm done exams. as. of. noww.
the feeling after a strenuous set of exams are over is always weird. you go from routine 5 am wakeups and calculating any possible way you can steal an extra 15 min studying time, to having stretches of [pause] FREE TIME.
i always feel like being super productive after exams. i know this will wear off shortly, but i'm still in the adjusting stage. i was going to reward myself by splurging on "doing right" and reading up on it. but now i dont feel like i deserve to, just because i don't feel like i did impressive enough to do something as pompous as reading up on a text for medical school halfway-acceptees.

this set of exams felt different though. more rested on these than any other ones in the past. however, i am less emotional than ever. i don't know if this is because i don't think i did that badly, or because i just don't care anymore. if it's the former, that's great. but if the latter, then i just don't know what to expect to see on the scoreboard. was it a make or break? cross your fingers and toes guys and hope the results come out soon. the problem with me is that once i prove something to myself, i try wayy less hard. so yay for 90something midterm marks, but stupid for 70something finals marks. finals being worth more than twice of midterms. that aint smart.

ANYWAYS.

i have decided to get a banging body this summer. no joke. yes ladies and gentlemen, it's that time of year again when i swear on every hair of my body that i will religiously hit up the gym. non stop. day and night. hahaaa.
i'll let you know how it goes.
but i really do want that banging body.

have you noticed that when people try to self justify their wrongdoings, it actually makes things worse? better to admit you were wrong and give a sincere apology than be like "yeah, i'm sorry i did this BUT.." you'd think it helps your cause, but you're digging yourself a deeper hole than when you started. chances are those self justifications aren't good enough to make the other person understand. they're just petty excuses you've used help self-deny you're a bad person.

ARE YOU READY?

the thing about exams is that they really don't care about you and how you choose to live your life. in the end, it's all about how many productive - essential key word, productive - hours you've spent slugging away at it.

you can choose to study by writing out neat, meticulous notes. sounds good. but the time you've spent making sure your notes are nicely written out and colour-coded is time detrimental.
you can take 12 hour blocks sitting in the library trying to force your restless mind to concentrate. and this looks like the mark of a hardworking, intense student. but at the end of the day, when marks come back, you're sitting there wondering why you only got slightly better than average. how did those 95%+ students do it? did they sit there for 14 hours or are they just born infinitely smarter?
exams don't care that you have other subjects you must study for; that you have errands you must attend to. like it or not, the student that spends friday saturday partying, but crunches down for 8 hours sunday is likely to get a better mark than the student who sat ALL of friday saturday and sunday at a coffee shop in front of their books trying half successfully to retain their textbook material.
and maybe you do crunch down during the time you've alloted yourself to study. but let's say you have to spend anhour each way travelling from home to school. versus the student who lives on campus but squanders a good 45 min gossiping with their group study members, who's going to get the better mark? time-wise, they are.

i used to hate this cliche, but i guess the lesson i've come to appreciate is to not just study hard, but study smart.

this also leads me to change my mind about approaching picking electives for next year. if my goal is med school, elective-wise, it would be in my favour to choose electives requiring the least amount of work with the highest mark payoff. choosing all courses i am interested in, but are non required for entrance, that are deemed tough, is great if it will have no adverse effects on my gpa or my required courses' performance. but i need to stop kidding myself. of course it will. i need to stop being a hero and make sure i accomplish what needs to be done before i worry about stuff like boasting rights.

okay, study time. it's a go-go. let's slay them all. see you after the 27th.

i look the best today i've looked in weeks. looks like lack of sleep (an hour and a half) agrees with my complexion.
i'm not even being entirely sarcastic here.

are you dying yet?

just a little obsessed tonight.

this melted my heart <3

on the hunt for fiery orange pumps and fiery orange scarf.