vegas in 12.

ben minkoff; fall 2011 collection

this bag is so yummy. i think any man that carries this bag would instantly up their sex appeal by a good 10 points

i smell.....sunscreen and coconut lotion ;)

not too happy of a day today. in fact, i'm a little down. that's an understatement. i was positively wailing earlier. but a 4 hour nap does do you some good. did you guess it had something to do with exams? how did you ever?

i took my spectroscopy chemistry final today. it was worth 65%, and i was determined to A C E it. i hustled in this course all year long, and prior to the exam, i had been scoring a 90% average. funny how things can take a drastic turn in the course of 2.5 hours. it was a fair exam, but long story short, i ran out of time, resulting in leaving two pages blank. i dont think i have every left a page blank, nonetheless two, in my whole academic career. needless to say, i was devastated.

but we gotta move along now, don't we?
yea. it's just a lot harder to do than say.

no use crying over spilt milk. ..how i hate that saying.

when i came home, my brother made me curly fries. ....
he even went as far as to bring it up to my room. weird..
he also made me tea.
oh i get it. hahah, my mom must have called and clued him in. so sweet <3

inner peace

I've been boring so I'm going to talk about studying and exams yet AGAIN. but when your 8am-11:30 pm is filled focusing on one thing only, it's hard to take your mind it and talk about an unrelated topic.

But I just wanted to say that I have been VEERRRYYYY HAPPPPYYY these days!! And I am happy that I've been happy! I guess you could say I've been at a plateau/had rough times for a while, even though I have a very fortunate life. My blah days have outnumbered my good days for the past..I don't know how long. year? Last semester was especially rough. I put so much on my plate that I didn't know how to handle it, and everyday was basically an emotional breakdown. To put it short, I was a walking (if even), basket case.

But this term, and especially these past few weeks, I've been nothing but happy. As you already know, these weeks are finals weeks. And if I am a basket case during the semester, by the time I'm pushing through finals, I have already fantasized through 100 and 1 scenarios about how to kill myself.

But not this time.

I may not be as completely on top of things as I like (ie. I would lovee for my exams to be even more spaced out.) But I have made a good habit of sleeping by 12:30am, waking up at 6:30 am, grabbing my gf at 7:40, and being at the school library by 8 am. Then we focus on our respective subjects till night time, with a few gossip breaks in between so we can maintain our sanity. I've gotten as much done as I can in the time alloted, and I've been doing it healthily! My mommy is the dearest. She's been making me protein based foods, with minimal to no carbs, as I tend to pass out after eating them. Because I've been getting more sleep than I usually do, due to regulated sleep hours, I have also been cutting out the coffee. My source of caffeine comes from the big mug of green tea I've been warming up my mornings with. So yay to keeping my sanity and being healthy in a typically super stressful time! Two down, 3 to go, and goodbye third year biochem!

I am so going to buy myself a congratulatory pair of loubs and the lv stresa after this is over and done with. T-8 days to a sunshine-filled summer! muahz xoxo

i take my every mornings with a cup of green tea and honey. so nice and comforting when i didn't have time this morning, my mom pushed a mug into my hands as i ran out the door. inside? my familiar cup of tea <3

your phenotype depends on genotype and environment.

so changes in your genotype will cause a change in your phenotype. if your genotype is EXACTLY the same as someone else's, then the only thing causing a change in your appearance will be the environment you live in.

with that being said, just analyzing the genotype portion, of course as humans, we have overall features of our genome that everyone in the species share. for example, this includes the genes that encode for everyone having 2 eyes, a nose, a mouth, etcetc. however, we know each of us look different from one another, and genomically, this due to polymorphism. this is where the sequence differences, duplications, deletions, insertions, location and the number of transposable elements each of us contain are held accountable for our individual appearance.

...studying for my genetics course. trying to make some use of my procrastination time.. productive procrastination haha..

this whole boosting up the protein thing is a lot harder than i thought. i thought protein is supposed to fill you up, and leave you with less hunger cravings (because proteins are harder to digest), but i'm eating more and feeling hungrier than ever. o well, must stick with a mainly healthy diet.

i also realized why i was able to typically eat a poutine, and go the rest of the day without eating anything else. that is because fats are usually kept in your system much longer. instead of being completely digested, they get directed to be stored in your fat cells =) courtesy of my biochem prof.

however, with that being said. obviously it's not a very healthy way to go through your days, much less life. and you can be a skinny girl with high fat mass all over - not cute.

today i had:

happy planet juice

tea with milk and honey

2 meatballs

a handful of frosted flakes with milk (not so good)

couple bites of instant noodle (also, not so good)

tofu and pickled veggie for lunch, plus edamame beans

less than a handful of trailmix for snack

i'm going for a jog around the track tonight to get some fresh air and clear my head

it's a gorgeous day outside, i'm studying at the ubc med library while i wait to start volunteering, everything is glass and sunshine, i've been eating right and drinking lots of water....i feel good. =)

im determined to lose weight, yet be healthy, and what i was doing before just wasn't working out.

so new mantra:

carbs are not my friend

the gym and i are the bestest of friends.

haha i will repeat until i believe it.

my psych prof said that in evolution, we have been conditioned to view food as a reward - eating triggers the reward mechanism of the brain. however, some people have been able to condition themselves to view food negatively, for example, people suffering from anorexia. of course, this concept is known and very intuitive. but it made me realize:

i too have been able to condition myself to view certain foods negatively. i don't touch burgers, pizza, hot dogs, pasta or donuts - although i think they taste good - because somehow, i have associated them with feeling and looking unpleasant after i eat them. i never crave or have any desire to eat them. this is a good start, but i still inhale excessive amounts of chocolates, cookies, french fries and bread as if they were going out of style. but since i am able to condition myself out of certain bad foods, i'm going to work on broadening this category so my diet is healthier overall. think more protein, and less junk and carbs.

"if you don't like something, change it. if you can't change it, change the way you think about it."

yessir.

ok byebye.

i bought these for summer. tooo excited for the beach, and not excited enough for the studying to be done for the weeks ahead. uh oh.

the 1st and the last one are from victoria's secret, and the middle one is from beach bunny. i think they're super cute!!

summer to do list:

seattle and get some boiling crabs

steveston at their fish n chips hut, and to grab food n drinks at their cute harbourside restaurants

lying at the beach. every. single. sunny. day with my doggy =)

biking/walking the seawall!

my girls want to go to deep cove

tofino!

the aquarium, and eat at that cute little restaurant by it in stanley park

granville island! must visit sandbar and sit on their rooftop patio and indulge in their muscle mania.

high tea with michelle.

all in all, i want to be outside every minute of every single sunny day to soak up the maximum number of rays that mr. sun will feel to donate =)

im studying at school, and i've parked myself right by the floor to ceiling window. it is absolutely gorgeous out... i want to be at the beachhhh.

today i ate:

3/5 of an instant noodle package

3 bites of steak

an orange

dried fruit

1.5 cookies..

some fries...............blehh

tonight, i'm doing core synergistics of my p90x. it is NOT easy, despite it looking the easiest out of the routines. i'm anticipating death for the other ones.

p.s. 1.5 weeks till my first final, and the pep talks to keep my stress/emotional levels down are in full force.

even though it makes me wince to post what i eat (and i bet you feel the same way having to read it), i'm going to do it on a daily basis. painful as it is, i need to be held accountable.

so today i ate:

preserved plums

large chocolate milk

vegetable soup w crackers

coffee

sushi..

rice krispy..

____________________________________________________________

there are so many picturesque places in the world, but some just make you stop for a while and think for a bit..

so serene and tranquil.

i love looking at pictures of places where the mere image of the place stimulates your senses as if you were already there...

......................... :(

weighing in at 115 lbs

Okay, I've got to tell you something. I haven't been completely following what I've so enthusiastically laid out in the last 2 posts. And I'm a tiny bit ashamed to admit it.

BUT that's what I'm writing here for right? One more place other than the hushed-up secret cracks in my brain for where to immortalize my fails and successes.

so I did wash the dog..and I did attempt p90x..but nonetheless, not to the degree with which I should have gone with it. But something is better than nothing right? I will keep going at it.

perfect practice makes perfect

____________________________________________________________

something that's on my mind.

a friend recently wrote a blog about how plastic surgery was basically an overnight fix to help improve someone's self esteem. now this is a close friend of mine, and when i was about to fly off to do plastic surgery, I very laughingly and openly told her. now let's note that the point of her post was to say that if someone was to get work done, we shouldn't be so quick to judge. which is a good sentiment on it's own. but she goes on to say

"... Those with low self esteem don't always feel like people are stopping for them. They feel as if they are no more than a dust of life... and imagine going through life like that every single day. Feeling like you're practically nothing is difficult... and it's not like you can suddenly drink some energy drink to give you a confidence kick off..".

why good friend, I disagree! I have never felt like no more than a dust of life! In fact, I loved myself for all of what my momma gave me, perhaps a little less so for the not so perfect bits, but comfortable with myself overall. Of course, I had some days here and there I was not so confident, but for the most part, I felt that I was a goodlooking lady!

now i think my surgeon did a good job, and I am pleased with the results. but leading up to it, I never had the mentality that if only this was different, I would stop feeling like nothing. I just knew that that particular part of me wasn't perfect, but its imperfections never bothered me on a daily basis. I was in the country to travel, and I knew I would be stopping in the city where the best plastic surgeon of the country was. sooo...what the heck right? you live once, and I had the money and time, so in i went.

of course, some people very well may have very low self esteem so they resort to plastic surgery as a last option. but from my experience - and from looking at friends and acquaintances that have gotten work done - the majority of these people are already well put together girls. These are not girls that feel like they're invisible and disregarded. of course, someone with confidence levels of 100 % + 1 may arguably not go under the knife. but who has that? and all the time? my point is that not everyone who goes under is looking for, or in need of an overnight, life changing, self esteem kick. they may very well be more along the lines of: i have the capability to tweek the imperfect, so why not?

love, b

lift-off

in honour of the last post, tonight, i'm going to wash and jog with the dog, and do laundry.

tomorrow, 5:50am wakeup and p90x begins.

i'm also going to make my way to the tanning salon to give myself a feel good boost. i truly have been disgusted with my body for the last few months, and my body woes just aren't going away...in fact, they're getting worse. I've never been this big and unproportioned in my life, and for the first time in my life, i'm having trouble accepting myself.

i will be posting start, in-progress and finish pictures so hold me to my word and let's keep this going.

restart

i'm going to start writing here again. this time, i feel like i need to get some more personal issues off my chest..and i am going to use YOU as a progress report. at times, it's not going to be pretty, but i'm looking to change that. So, let's get some things going around here!

i want to incorporate:

• a daily jog routine with my dog
• a habitual wakeup time at 5:50am (to do the jog with my dog, and start my day bright and early)
• finally get the body i've been wanting for years! (come on, i'm supposed to be in my prime here. and lately, i've been especially letting myself go. yuck to a 12 lb weight gain..i'm actually embarassed)
• finish off this semester with the grade range i'm aiming for..i feel good about this so far!
• save my money! i honestly don't know where it goes. especially when i'm at school. $50 turns into 3 dollars in 2 days there, it's ridiculous and totally avoidable. (i'm not even talking about textbook purchases here, just coffee, snacks, parking...)
  

there are more, but let's get some of these issues up and running before we tackle the rest.